The path of a Magician is not truly a path, rather an unspoilt wild territory - a place that nobody has ever touched nor walked through. This particular journey, therefore, can be sometimes quite difficult - not to become distracted and unfocused by all the things that one encounters along the way. But with a deep inner trust and willingness to step into the unknown, a Magician will finally be able to find her own way. I was drawn to art, movement and wilderness since I can remember. They all involve stepping into the unknown, and this has been the most important inspiration and guidance to me.
I started my career as a scientist, a behaviour biologist researcher, to be more precise. The last twenty years have seen me transform and mould myself and my life through various stages: humanistic psychology, zen training, jungian psychology, world and process work, shamanism, art and art therapy. In all of all these years of (re)searching it was my primary intent to bring all the disciplines I had learnt together. This was not always easy and I often felt quite lost. Today I realize that all along I was actually in search of the Magician with all its qualities. In the Magician art and science merge through which a greater reality is revealed.
At the start of this process Balu urged me to re-explore the scientist aspect of myself in movement. It was quite a challenge for me and I was filled with tears. I was suprised to see with how many negative qualities the neglected scientist in me was imprinted. By moving it with my body, the qualities transformed themselves automatically, it even became quite joyful, to be that arrogant, know-it-all, self-inflated scientist again. A new force in me emerged - something that I had known or been in touch with many years ago. I saw that there was a quality in that energy that I could reuse now in my life and integrate in my creative way of expression. After having danced my scientist, I noticed, that there wasn't a big difference between a scientist and an artist at all. Both of their primal motivations is to find out about this real thing we call life and to find a form of expression. Both qualities embody curiosity and playfulness. Both never stop questioning and learning.
In his book 'Swamplands of the Soul' the Jungian analyst, James Hollis, confirms my experience with the left behind part of myself: "If we have left some vital part of ourselves behind, metaphorically speaking, it is essential to go back and down to find it, bring it to the surface, integrate it, live it. Just as the shamans would enter the spirit world to recover that part of the soul which had been split off, and bring it back to reintegrate it, so we are therapeutically obliged to find what has been left behind and bring it back to the surface."
The next realization I have had, was that Eagle Wing, a spirit that came to me through a visualization, might have to do with the merging of these two opposites. So in the session that followed I was to move Eagle Wing and to explore the new dimensions it represented to me. The new dimension revealed itself in very slow Tai Chi movements, in opening up instead of closing and collapsing, and it felt completely different than any of my so well known spontaneous improvisations. A completely new experience was revealed to me for which I am grateful.
In order to get to know aspects of the Magician, I needed to reclaim and integrate all the forgotten or left behind parts of myself. With these newly-found wings of freedom I feel empowered to move on and to discover more of the mysteries of life.